Chances

are in the next 10 seconds you are about to get the biggest party-boner of your life.

We're Club 303 and our parties will rip your face off. That's right. We just kicked your party planning committee square in the balls, and we're not gonna call her again. We only have one rule with our parties. Barely clothed women and poorly dressed men. Ride that punani.

We're the hottest event planning company in the Chicago area. Need something on the U of I campus? Yeah, we can handle it. Just don't go complaining when the beer is all gone and your sister is knocked up. Event planning, event services, even event organization, we got what you need to throw the most bodacious party anyone has every witnessed. Other parties might get a little loud. We'll light it up like Hiroshima. Call the national guard. Lock up your daughters. And buy lots of bear spray. Then call us.

One more thing. Don't forget to bring a towel.